TEH RULEZ OF THE INTERNET
by KarlaMarie
Summary: Rated M For language and other things... o.0... TEH RULEZ OF THE INTERNET -plus- This prompt: I'd like to see Kirk, in his Captainly status, invoke the Rules of the Internet. CRACK because, srsly, what else could it POSSIBLY EVAR be? -equals- This Fic
1. Chapter 1

TEH RULEZ OF TEH INTERNETS!!!

**Plus**

This prompt- (copy the link with no spaces) http:// community. livejournal. com /st_xi_kink/4532. html?thread=10905012#t10905012

_I'd like to see Kirk, in his Captainly status, invoke the Rules of the Internet. CRACK because, srsly, what else could it POSSIBLY EVAR be?_

_GOGOGO :D_

**Equals**

This fic_-  
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_**93**. Go fuck yourself._

_...  
_

Spock raised his eyebrows, "fascinating"

Uhura shrieked and ran from the bridge yelling "MY EYES!"

Sulu and Chekov just sat there jaws hanging.

Bones was the only one who seemed completely undisturbed by the captain's behaviour as he just shrugged then walked up behind the couple and stabbed them each with a sedative.

"Figures he'd go fuck himself, if he had the chance"

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_**72**. Chuck Norris is your father. No exceptions._

_and  
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_**122**. There is NO God here (Except Chuck Norris)._

_..._

"Galia would you like to see the baby?"

She could do no more but nod her head after giving birth to her first son.

"Well here you are" McCoy brought over the child and deposited the bundle of blankets in her arms. "Did you want us to call the father?"

Galia just shook her head. "Chuck Norris is too busy being God."

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_**91**. There is gay porn of it, no exceptions._

_..._

No one expected the ship's Friday night move to include porn and especially it being gay porn. Although after the initial shock it was no surprise that the crew accepted the identity of the lead actor.  
James T Kirk was of course a man of many talents.

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_**102.** You are made of fail and AIDS._

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"Damn it Jim you've done it now! You got AIDS!"

"…awww Fail"

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_**99. **All numbers are at least 100 but always OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND._

_..._

"Chekov what's the read out on the Klingon's ship power level?"

Chekov paled and his hands trembled against his station.

"Keptain it's OWER NINE THOUSAAAAAND"

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_I really love Star Trek and I love the Rules of the internet so I couldn't resist..._

_I am the third anon to add to this prompt and I decided to do more, so I promise not to republish anything already written by another anon!_

_**I realise there are a few sites where the rules are listed but the ones I am taking from are from this list found here: **_(no spaces)

http:// rulesoftheinternet . com / index .php5? title=Main_Page

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Always

KarlaMarie

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R&R


	2. Chapter 2

_(disclaimer) Yea I don't own the rules nor do I own Star Trek... and honestly I am sort of thankful I don't own it considering this is what I wrote:  
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**263.** TENTACLE RAPE. ENJOY IT MOAR THAN 232. No exceptions.  
_ and_  
**206.** Any breaking of pi will result in pi being broken. No one knows the consequences. You have been warned.

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"… and as such it is Doctor McCoy's recommendation that lieutenant Uhura remain on…"

"I did it! I did it!" Chekov's voice interrupted the Captain's Log, "I finally did it!"

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"What have you done Ensign Chekov that has you interrupting the bridge in such a manner?"

Spock's tone did nothing to dampen the excitement of the Enterprise's youngest crew member. "I finally broke pi Commander, it is something that has not been done before."

Spock bent over his station to read the figures "Fascinating" Chekov grinned.

"Um" The captain's voice interrupted "congratulation for mathematical genius is all well and good but we seem to have a problem"

As all eyes turned to look at the Captain, they noticed the sudden appearance of green slimy creatures that resembled something like a cross between a rabbit and a jellyfish (and don't ask how that works… it just does).

As the rest of the crew tried to fight off the invaders, their Captain, James T Kirk seemed to just shrink into his chair, as one long green tentacle started to unbuckle his belt and lower his pants.

It came as a surprise to everyone when the creature began to speak "_3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971_…"

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**…Later...**

**...  
**

"…I now pronounce you husband and grotesque green tentacle creature thing, may you have a long and prosperous marriage"

As the Captain kissed the green rabbit/jellyfish/whatever is was, pi magically fixed itself and Chekov never attempted to break it again.

Everyone lived happily ever after…

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I can not even say I was on drugs when I wrote this... All I can do is ask for forgiveness... *don't shoot*

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_**I realise there are a few sites where the rules are listed but the ones I am taking from are from this list found here: **_(no spaces)

http:// rulesoftheinternet . com / index .php5? title=Main_Page

...

Always

KarlaMarie

...

R&R


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